Rewind & Re-do

There have been a few times in my life when I've felt like the "Queen of Saying Things and Then Wishing I Could Take Everything Back 5 Minutes Later." Or even doing something and then later thinking, Aw shit, I shouldn't have done that. But it really did seem like a good idea at the time...

We've all made mistakes at some point or another. Duh, right? Why did I even bother typing that out? I bet sometimes you've wanted to take something back soooo badly that it was just eating you up inside (or, maybe that's just me). Most mistakes, however, I'm grateful to have made. From those, I've learned a thing or two about myself while also learning what to do or not to do next time.

Going off of that, I want tell you one of the reasons why I think the internet is so great: I can chat with people online or write emails and have plenty of time to think about what I want to say and how I'm going to say it. Before I hit that send button, I can be absolutely sure everything in that message makes sense, contains the right words, includes the right information. That way, I sound more like I actually know what I'm talking about instead of just blurting out words without much prior thought.

Conversing over the internet also eliminates many unwanted opportunities for awkward silences to arise. I hate awkward silences. One of the areas where I frequently get into trouble is when an awkward silence occurs in a conversation and, to avoid it at all costs, I'll just start word-vomiting whatever I can come up with quickly enough to fill the void. If there's no immediate conversation-starter in the room (such as a picture on the wall or a pet or food) I'll usually go straight for someone's outfit.

"So... that's a really great shirt you have on there."
Reply: "Oh, thanks."
...awkward pause...
"Red is a pretty good color for you."
Reply: "I kind of hate red, but my mother-in-law bought this for me and I feel obligated to wear it."
Help! I need to just walk away!
"Ah yep those mothers-in-law okay I'm going to go get another soda in the kitchen..."

In some social situations, I can usually put up a decent front that I'm a confident person who knows what she's talking about. I'll usually resort to my sense of humor as a back up, throwing in sarcasm whenever the opportunity presents itself. If possible, I try not to talk to anyone at all in order to avoid any potential awkward situations. That way, everyone will think I'm just a stuck-up asshole and not try to talk to me and cause awkward silences because that is SO MUCH BETTER than everyone thinking I'm an idiot. Clearly.

On the phone is even worse for me. I hate talking on the phone. If I don't call you back right away or EVER, it's because I don't want to talk on the phone. But I'll gladly send you a well-thought-out text message! I'm not quite sure if awkward silences are worse on the phone or in person -- I'm kind of on the fence about it. But I'll try to fill the undesirable silence on the phone by using the exact same strategy that I use for conversations in person, probably because it works oh so well.

So, if you ever see these things happen, now you know why. I always try to put my best foot forward, especially when meeting new people. But, we can't be perfect anymore than we can be normal, not even on the internet. It's a good thing we can't rewind and try again; we would probably never move forward! And if the mistakes I've made in the past have helped shape who I am today, I'd have to say it was worth the temporary regret. For reals.