Jet-setter's Pet Peeves

I feel pretty fortunate that I've been given opportunities to travel within my job. Sometimes it's like a free, all-expenses-paid vacation, except there's a bit of working involved.

Okay, usually a lot of working. I work as a videographer & editor at a video production company. We make cool videos and stuff. And the only part that's better than getting to do what I love to do as a career is the people I get to work with. Most of them, anyway.

I love it when I get to travel along with my two favorite jet-setters: MWagz and KArdz. We make a good team, like the Three Musketeers, if you will. Whenever all three of our personalities are in the same room together, some sort of magic happens (i.e. we mostly make fun of each other and laugh at our own inappropriate jokes).

There are other aspects of these trips that I don't enjoy so much, however, like the whole getting to and from our shooting location. I have to say, I really didn't fancy flying much before these working adventures, but I like it even less now. The crowded airports, the long lines at the Starbuckses, the pushy-ass people... take everything that is annoying and quadruple it by adding a painfully obvious, $60k video camera.

The first time I traveled last year, I was warned by MWagz that people were going to comment on the camera, ask questions about it, ask questions about what we were shooting, etc. Oh joy, I thought. My favorite thing. He instructed me to avoid eye contact with anyone at all costs; once I would make eye contact, the door would open for them to nag the shit out of me with their annoying inquiries.

Turns out that strategy rarely works, and I still have an enormous camera slung over my shoulder, and they just have to say something.

First off, I hate going through airport security to begin with, what with all the undressing and everything. Now as I stand in line, I can feel everyone's eyes burning me, staring intently at the camera, wanting desperately to push one of the buttons on it.

A typical interaction is:
Captain Obvious: "That's a big camera."
Me: "Uhh, yep?"

--or--

Mr. Observant: "That thing looks heavy."
Me: "It is."

And it will either cause a big scene at the security checkpoint, or it will pass on through like it's just another carry-on bag. If they do have to test it for residues of bomb dust though, it's not that horrible because it gives me time to put my shoes back on, buckle my belt back up, put my laptop back in its bag, put the metal plate back in my arm, throw my gold tooth back in my gums and re-conceal my concealed weapon underneath my hooded sweatshirt.

Sitting at the gate, killing time before the whole boarding process starts is also an excellent opportunity for all the riddlers to ask their questions. The other day, just as I was waiting in the huge line of people pushing each other around, trying to hurry up and board so they can just sit in the plane an extra 20 minutes, an older gentleman said to me, "You're not traveling with that thing, are you?" I looked at him in disbelief. "Umm, what?" was my reply, knowing I couldn't have possibly heard the question correctly. He continued, "That camera. You're not traveling with it are you?" Sure enough, I heard him correctly the first time. "I'm about to get on this plane, aren't I?!?" I'm not sure if he realized the ridiculous nature of his question or not, but he then said, "Shouldn't you have it in a... case or something?" I wasn't really in the mood to go into details as to why we don't carry them in cases. I had been up since 5 a.m. "No, it's fine," I mumbled back.

After finally making it into the plane, I have to deal with the glaring eyes of everyone who is already seated; some parents pointing out to their kids, "Look at that big camera!!" And then the intent observations as I shove it in the overhead bin. As was the case on one trip, the guy sitting next to me said something like, "So, I saw you with that big camera. What's that all about?" Being the jerk that I am, I'll answer with as little information as possible. "I'm going to shoot some stuff."

And of course, who could forget the screaming kids? What flight would be complete without crying babies and annoying toddlers crawling all over the seat in front of me? I'm always fortunate enough to sit right behind these darling little passengers. And it doesn't matter if I have headphones on and crank the iPod up full blast, there's no getting away from the screaming and wailing.

This kid in front of me the last time was NOT happy unless he had his parents' full attention at all times. So I had to listen to, "Mom. Mom. Mom. Mom. Mom. Mom. Mom. Mom. Mom. Mom," until she acknowledged his nagging. And occasionally, he would climb the back of the seat and just stare at me, either wanting me to think he was being cute or to gloat because he knew how annoyed I probably was... not sure which one.

There are just too many things to mention, but one of the worst of all is when the plane finally reaches the gate, everyone (already on their cell phones, mind you... turned those suckers on at the first possible moment) unbuckles their seatbelts at the same time and stands up as if they're going to go anywhere anytime soon. But because everyone on the plane is a slow fart and can't get their shit together until after it's their turn to exit, they must take forever to pull their bags out of the overhead bin, gather up all their belongings and what have you, as all the people in the back must suffer in the stale air, breathing in the morning breath of the person standing next to them. And so help me GOD if someone from behind cuts me off and exits ahead of me, they are going to lose a limb before they even reach the baggage claim.

You know what, though? I'm finishing up this post at the end of a very fun work trip with MWagz and KArdz, and if I had the choice of sitting in a dark office all week like I usually do or suffering through the obnoxious flying process with the reward of having a good time with some good friends, I will always choose the security lines and screaming kids because these buddies of mine are pretty damn awesome. Thanks guys.