Instead of trying to describe in my own words some of the ridiculous dating profiles I've come across, I thought it would be much more fun to just include them word-for-word in all their unedited glory. Please note: these are copied and pasted exactly how they appear in their original form. I think all of you know there's no way my grammar would ever be this bad.
WEIRDO 1:
Looking for tonight. Real & Serious - 30
I am looking for another female to join me in the bedroom tonight. I am 5'6", 140 lbs. My husband will be there to watch us or join in. Whatever you prefer. I would like to meet somewhere for drinks then take it from there if we click. I would like to text and talk on phone before we meet. Please send a pic of yourself or I will not respond. I will do the same. Can anybody meet tonight?????
Really and seriously.
WEIRDO 2:
Looking for fun tonite my place - 20
hope'n for someone to come play tonite. busy now but i want some company when i go home;P females only please im 5'2 average build brown hair blue eyes akron area
I'm busy at the moment, but goddammit I want a sexy lady waiting for me at my apartment when I get home!!
WEIRDO 3:
*LoOkInG 4 tHaT 1* - 23
Hi... Mi names Jennifer. I'm 23. I work and go to school. I have long blk hair blue eyes 6 tattoos n 2 piercing. I'm looking for sum1 who enjoys cuddleing watching movies loves kids.... Ect.... Ur pic will get mine.. Or txt me 330 two two for 8 seven XXXXX....
NoT InTeReStEd!
WEIRDO 4:
need some fun. and have needs - 21
Please reply in run-on sentence.
WEIRDO 5:
looking for a "christmas buddy"
i am a blonde with a descent size chest and a round butt. i am bi but not very expirenced. i would like a relationship but freinds is ok to. i do have a b/f but he will not be involved unless you want him to. you can contact me at the email on here. but put "christmas buddy" in the subject. or text me three three 0 7 eight 0 three 9 seven XXXXX
All I want for Christmas is you.
WEIRDO 6:
Seeking orally talented female - 40
I'm an attractive physicaly fit/clean female in search of the same. I'm looking for someone that is willing to give more than receive. Call me selfish...I need a woman to meet with on various NSA DISCRETE occassions to take care of me. If this is something that your into...please respond with "Let me lick you"....pics get priority. NO MEN OR COUPLES!!!!
You are 40 years old!! Learn the difference between 'your' and 'you're'!
WEIRDO 7:
:)NO BULLShitttt
UHMMM..I'm 19 yrs old in college & very dependent ..I never been with a girl before but im ready for something new I'm tired of guys nd the same bullshit. I like going out havin fun , shopping , movies , jus kickin it yano? I'm 5'7 170 lbs ( NOT FAT JUST THICK - u could be the judge of that lol ) long brown hair & brown eyes , I'll send a pic when I get one of u lol. I'm very blunt I keep it real no matter what. I dont do drama so if your on that plz dont reply.. NO MEN OR COUPLES!! only grls plz. if your interested email me nd tell me about yaself nd send a picture , put in subject " noo bs..im interested" so i know your real .. thanks :)!
& im sure you wanna know me so u can ask me whatever ...i'll answer lol
:(NO THANKssssssss lol
WEIRDO 8:
Young tight girl here! - 18
hi girls!!!! my name is lilly. i m looking for a nice girl to chat with and be my best friend, o and i wouldnt mind trying things with you, but honestly ive not done much with a girl before. but it seems hot lol. i am a smaller girl, a tight athletic body. light colored hair. unless i dye it lol. if interested email me or add me on yahoo. Luv LiLlY
It seems hot lol.
WEIRDO 9:
Married bi fem seeking single bi fem for relationship - 28
Looking for a single bi fem around my age who is not apposed to dating a married woman. I do have kids so you have to also be kid friendly. I am not looking for just sex but that is a plus I am also looking for a friend someone i can talk to on the phone. I am only open about my sexuality to certain ppl but my family is not the ones so you would have to be dicreet around them. So a little about me I am 5'7'' wit meat on da bones. I have midlength brown hair and brown eyes. If interested send me a message and I will try to get back to you ASAP.
Wasn't really all that bad until meat on da bones came up.
***BEST FOR LAST!***
WEIRDO 10:
I'm super duper HOT,are you!!!!
at the present moment, I'm interested in someone that is fun, loving and full of life.No one is impeccable, however I'm close to being perfect. I'm 100% natural. I'm in search of a woman,that is "Model Material". If you are pretty in the face, thick in the hips and small in the waist, contact me. Please no BBW. You must submit a photo image of yourself. I have a lot of sexy photo images to share with you. I'm waiting on you HOT stuff. If you are real and willing to meet. Type in the subject line "Hot Stuff". You must be weight proportionate and up to par! Please serious replies only! NO MEN! I have a facebook, myspace, and twitter account, to prove, I'm a real person, hopefully you have the same. PLEASE,don't waste my time, if your not willing to meet!
Yes, you guessed it! I replied to this one! It was too tempting. Needless to say, she didn't write back; perhaps it was something I said?
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