Ne fanno un buon anno.

I've debated over whether or not my first post of 2011 should include any references to certain New Year's traditions. I usually don't do things such as 'resolve' to eat better -- food is one of my most favorite parts of being alive and I feel like I have a good couple of years left before I'll have to increase my pants size. I also never 'resolve' to go to the gym -- there is a membership-free exercise room in my apartment building and I'm too lazy to ride the elevator up two floors to use it. I could 'resolve' to be a nicer person and to treat people better, but we should all be doing that already anyway, right?

Instead, what I do every now and then (and by that I meant at least once a day) is just stop to think about what's going on in my life right at that very moment. I have a mental checklist I go through to assess what emotions I have going on, how I'm feeling about certain things, and so on. The list can encompass broad topics or focus on something specific to a event or current emotion. Basically, the checklist includes the following items:

• Where am I at on the happiness scale right now, and why?
• Was I an asshole to someone today, do I regret it or did they deserve it (just kidding, kind of) and should I apologize?
• Do I feel like anyone is upset with me for any reason, and should I address them with my feeling so we can clear things up?
• Is there anything I'm looking forward to right now, long-term or short-term?
• Is there anything going on in my life that I don't like, and can I do anything to change it?
• Should I feel guilty about consuming those 20 Oreos, do I need to think about going upstairs to exercise just to talk myself out of it, or do I just not give a shit today?

My answer to the first question usually changes every five minutes or so, as there are many factors that can contribute. For example: Market St. Traffic = pissed. Watching DVR'd episode of my favorite show = awesome. Walking into work in the morning = pissed. Making it home to my cat in the evening = awesome. Basically at any given time, my happiness scale usually looks like this:

I realize at times that my mood can be quite unpredictable. Based on how my day is going, it will actually look more like this:

The second question typically has the same answer, because a few co-workers at the office just annoy the shit out of me constantly, so yes, I tend to get a little bitchy at least once per day.

As for the third point, NOT including all the people that hate me because I'm beautiful, the answer to this question has been yes for quite some time. If I sense there is something wrong with any sort of relationship I have in my life, I absolutely cannot stand it until it gets worked out. It will very slowly drive me insane. I can't stand having people upset with me; it's not exactly the image I want to portray. I want everyone who knows me to be able to use (mostly) positive adjectives if they ever talk about me. It's seriously one of my main goals in life. So if you've ever had to say anything negative about me, 1) I'm sorry and 2) let's work it out.

Is there anything I'm looking forward to? Well, what fun would life be if we didn't have things to look forward to? I don't even see the point of living at all. Truth is though, I feel like I've been stuck in sort of a repetitive rut lately, going through the same routine day after day with nothing exciting going on in my immediate future. If I were to make a 'resolution' for this year, it would be to do more fun things, to travel more, and to always have something to look forward to. To start it out, I'm planning a little weekend getaway for my birthday in March. My last couple of birthdays haven't been that great, so I want to make sure I take a little time to celebrate myself this year.

The answer to the next point is almost always yes. If it's ever a no, then you can believe I'm the happiest person in the world. Month after month now I've thought to myself, 'my life would be pretty great right now except for...' My biggest worry is my grandmother and her illness, and it's just one of those things I can't control. I've become notorious for obsessing over things I have no control over, and this is a prime example. If she was well; if she was her normal, energetic self going out to lunch with her friends and driving herself around town going shopping and what not, then I would feel as though my life was right on track. But ever since the beginning of October when she became ill, it's just always been the one thing I wish I could change.

As for the final point listed above: